You just know.

It is just another Saturday. Just another day. Sigh.
Except a little addition of my desperation of a distraction.

I can't keep you out of my mind. And the idea of seeing you again tommorw.... makes it hard to balance.

Justin is more than a crush to me. I'm going to go all corny on your ass here..

• We've been talking for about four months now, and for two months now we only talk on the phone, and it is everyday, never for under an hour, and sometimes last up to three - six hours long. If one of us doesn't call by 8:00pm, the other will always call.
• He talks to me about everything, things he doesn't tell anyone else, can't talk to anyone else about because he doesn't have many people who actually care, so he comes to me about everything. We have serious conversations about our lives, our past and we know niether of us are judging.
• I look forward to talking to him. All day, I cannot wait to get home to talk to him. It's the highlight of my days.
• He's become a major comfort to me. If I am upset about something, just hearing his voice makes me feel better. I instantly relax.
• I love hearing his laugh, it makes me smile, every-fricken-time!
• We talk to one another until we're both falling asleep and sometimes we both just lay there on our beds listening to each other breath. It's not aqward, it's just like we're right there with each other.
• He is always making me laugh, I love his voice impressions, it's like a six hour giggle fit.
• I constantly worry about him. I worry he will get hurt somehow and until I hear from him, I can't stop wondering if he is okay.
• When he brings himself down, I feel sad because I know he believes it. I just want to make him see what I see in him.
• When he is sad - I am sad. When he is happy - I am happy.

If you know me, you know that this has never happend before. I have never had this intense of a emotional attatchement to someone. I am boy crazy but I have never cared so much about some boy, they have always been just a boy in my life who I hang out with or talk to on occasion. Maybe they are good friends - but it has never been like this.

He says my feelings are mutal. And in some ways, I believe that is true. Because...

• He will always call me as soon as he gets home from work or from being out with friends. Sometimes, he'll call me just to tell me he is going out for a few hours and that he will call me when he gets back.
• He tells me he looks forward to talking to me all day. He counts down the hours at work until he can go home to call me.
• He says, just hearing my voice makes him happy. He loves my voice and my laugh and I always make his day.
• He always wants to buy me things, take me out for dinner, pay his dad $60 just to come pick me up so he can see me...
• He says he loves me.

This is the basic. He expresses his feelings much better than I do. But these are things he just says, and I know Justin doesn't lie, he is very honest, but I'm worried his feelings are not as strong as mine are. I know he isn't just saying them, he doesn't do that, he only says things he means. But... it could be a lot less intense or real to him as it is to me. And my biggest question is, if that is how he feels, and he already knows how I feel, then how come he hasn't made me his yet? He has said he wants me to be his sweety but how come he hasn't yet? I like to let things just happen, so after all this, I figured it was done, that I was his, he was mine, we were together. But then when his friend calls me his girlfriend, he says "she isn't my girlfriend".....

What's his deal?

And why does this have to be so scary?

I've never been here before. This is so new to me and I'm scared shitless.... I've never cared so much about someone not being around anymore (except for family), sure, sure, I've been attatched to other guys before, but that was NOTHING compared to this. That was my need for someone to show me affection. This is a need for him.